your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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