Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
