Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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