It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
