Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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