He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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