my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
