I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
