i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm passing your future prison.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
