I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
