he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
