here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
