I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone came in the potted fern
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
