Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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