Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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