There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think my moral compass just broke
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