I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
