There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
