are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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