PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
