I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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