Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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