she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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