her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
