on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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