Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
