I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
