im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
