I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
