I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize