She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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