Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
