I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
