i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
