I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My balls are so social today.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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