I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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