I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
