I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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