Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
