if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
