I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
