Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
