Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
