i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
