i don't like sucking hair
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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