Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you never un-have a 4some
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
