my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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