yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my shit smells like andre
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize
