Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
