she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
