two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
