...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
