I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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