I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
