Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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