Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
