just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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