Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
