clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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