I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
