just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
