Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
