is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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