She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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