Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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