Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
