you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
