something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
