check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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