I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
