I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
