sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize